Okay, third times the charm. This time I know what I’m doing.
*Start new game*
Okay world, do your worst…
The new world fell into place before my eyes. I watched in awe as the ground once again spewed up vast mountain ranges in the distance and entire forests sprouted before my very eyes. Water lapped at my heels as the vast, expansive ocean stretched off into the horizon behind me.
It all took about 3 seconds.
There was no time to waste staring idly at the scenery, I had a job to do. Survival was my top priority. I needed food, shelter and a nice cosy fire before nightfall. Sadly, by the time I remembered all this, the sun was already making its hasty descent to the ground. Clearly frolicking with wildlife could once again be my swift, imbecilic downfall.
I was quite fortunate as my spawn point was in a relatively decent location; lovely shore, near by caverns ripe for exploration, plenty of trees for wood and a near by mountain side bursting with stone and coal. But there was no time for that, I had to build shelter- and fast.
Clambering onto a near-by mound of dirt I began erecting the Walls of Babylon (piles of soil high enough to stop nasties coming in and shaking hands with my spleen.)
Creatures rose from the depths of hell.
Pigs were jumping up and down manically in ditches, acting as if their AI was programmed to act like a brain-dead kangaroo being electrocuted… Those crafty swine.
But more importantly- I was safe.
As the sun finally reared its chirpy little face I stood triumphant on top of my dirty wall of dirt, watching the evil minions below writhing in pain as the glorious sunlight burst them to flames. I could almost see in my minds eye my predecessors before me shed a single tear- those who taught me so much through their bone-crunching and fiery deaths.
But this was just the beginning. It was time to start building my empire…
I spent the following few days gathering materials, exploring the local area for a convenient supermarket (of which there were non) and building my impenetrable fortress- still primarily made of dirt. I crafted work benches, storage crates, stoves, tools, weapons, torches- everything a young blockman dreams of since they were but a mere pixel.
Days turned to night, back to day before plunging straight back into night again. After several repetitions my world renowned sense of perception kicked in and I noticed the pattern- day turns to night. By the time I had cracked the enigma my fortress was taking shape. Burrowing into the ground I’d created a basement for my fortress using the swanky new stone shovel I’d crafted. I’d learnt how to craft wooden floors, staircases and even a homely little fence to stop me from falling off walls (a frequent event that enemy was taking full advantage of.) During the day I was free to explore as I’d erected a monolithic mast on my fortress, allowing me to easily find my way back before night fall and fit the word “erect” into an article. Whenever night fell I swiftly retreated back to my Fortress of Awesome to continue the home-improvements, as well as perch on my walls for guard duty. I was safe.
Or so I thought…
After working all night on improvements to the fortress (I crafted a door- no more going through the window for me!) I stepped bleary eyed into the bright sunlight of another beautiful day. I stood for a moment to take in all the sights and sounds- the clear blue sky, the agitated cattle mooing near by, as sizzling noise. -wait, what?
An explosion. Right on my doorstep, blasting through the air and into a near-by ditch. A half a heart flashed in the corner of what was once a full bar of health. What happened?!
I stumbled out of the ditch and dragged myself to the crater that was once my front door. Blocks of dirt, wood and stone were scattered all over the place, as well as what was left of my possessions. A gaping hole had been torn into my fortress, allowing access to invading forces of sheep and chickens. I looked around for a clue as to what had happened when I saw a green speck of pixels out of the corner of my eye.
Critters. Not the cuddly, murderous monsters from the 1986 classic, but hatred-fuelled kamikaze experts hell bent on annihilating you, your front door and your over-inflated ego in one swift, suicidal spectacle.
And there’s another charging right towards me.