Minecraft- My First Adventure (pt.4)

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Minecraft- My First Adventure (pt.4)

(parts one, two and three are here if you missed them. Or, here’s a quick summary: “Ooo” “Ahh” “ARGH” “Okay…” “ARGH!” “Last time…” “ARGHHH!!!”)

Come on, you can do this.

Don’t die.

Gotta want it!!

I clambered to my feet (and by that I mean let go of the “left shift” button.) Running towards the Critter my heart was pounding in my chest- the most convenient place for it to pound- I lunged forward, arms flailing in what I had convinced myself was some form of martial art.

Direct hit.

The Critter stumbled back as my mighty fist struck his emotionless face. I was unstoppable- a mighty bare-knuckled warrior striking fear into the hearts of enemies and fist into the faces of foes. Nothing could defeat me!


Upon reflection, gloating above a fallen foe mid battle might not have been the wisest of choices. Especially when said foe is packed with so much gunpowder that just lighting his farts could create an explosion that could challenge Hiroshima.

Before I could float to the Heavens to spend eternity with topless angels on strange cuboid clouds I was sent crashing back to earth. I was alive.

This is when my genius plan to build my fortress near to my spawn point paid off, within seconds I was standing at the rim of the death-crater. Nothing remained but a few loose blocks. Glancing back at my fortress I could see the local animals living the life of a squatter in my humble- albeit broken- abode. It was time to rebuild.

After patching up the walls and building a lovely extension to my hallway I decided to confront the problem of exploding neighbors in a loving, peaceful way.

By building a wall of fire.

After several mortal burns and a brief trip to the after life later I’d created a pit of fire which circled my Fortress of Awesomeness. Needless to say, it most certainly did the trick.

At last I had conquered this land, but for some reason I felt incomplete. My thirst for adventure had barely been quenched. I’d stand on my towering look-out point and gaze out towards a neighboring island.

…An island without ruler.

The night was spent working my tiny cuboid fingers to the bone crafting a sea-worthy vessel so I could venture forth as the sun rose. Dawn broke as I entered the ocean on the “SS.OMGHowDoesThisThingFloat?!” and powered towards the island, sword in hand, ready to defeat any hostile chickens that dare to cross my path.

SUCCESS! The island was now mine! (…that was easy). With me on my travels I’d made sure to bring plenty of stone. The first call of action was to build a harbour for my wooden warship of wonder, followed by a 2nd fortress.

I spent days building my little holiday home, spending my nights watching foolish nasties drown in a vein attempt to paddle to my island.

Virtual days turned into virtual nights as I built up my home away from home- the aptly named “Holiday Home Of -OHMYGODWHAT’STHATOVERTHEREohit’sjustaPig- Relaxation”. I learnt how to crate new materials such as glass, buckets, bowls and hoes (the latter of which I was disappointed to find out was a gardening tool). Deciding to find better, shinier materials I decided to mine down as far as I could, bravely avoiding everything dangerous at all times. Soon enough I’d found myself in a deep underground cavern filled with spectacular lava-falls. The molten rock illuminated every inch of  the mine in a beautiful yet dangerous amber glow.

And that’s when I had the greatest idea of all.

I was to build my fortress walls out of lava.

Using the buckets I’d crafted earlier I proceeded to lug vast quantities of the molten rock back up to the surface with me, stopping only occasionally to die a horrible and painful death.

The process was impressively time consuming. Spending most of my time under ground collecting lava/dying and turning sand into glass it was hard to tell whether it was day or night. Eventually my creation came to life, with only a handful of the island trees burnt to a crisp.

It was beautiful. And time consuming. And I had lost a lot of buckets and tools along the way, but it was finally complete. So… What now? Leave this magical world of preposterous peril, go outside and get some fresh air? Nah.

Let’s build a roller-coaster!

Every good adventurer these days has their own personal roller-coaster, sea travel is just sooo archaic. More mining ensued as I gathered my materials. Occasionally there were even hints of vast caverns and dungeons, but my iron sword was really expensive, I didn’t want to scratch it…

Soon (I say soon, days and days of tedious brick laying and track building) the tracks were in place and the bridge had been built. The tracks were kissing the clouds as they levelled out above the ocean… The perfect place for house #3. But what to build it with?

“The Fortress of Awesomeness” was made of mud and stone.

“The Holiday Home Of-OHMYGODWHAT’STHATOVERTHEREohit’sjustaPig- Relaxation” was made of the ye olde material of glass and lava.

But what about #3? I needed something a bit more… Humble.

Gathering vast quantities of clay I was eventually able to make a little red-bricked cottage. “The Humble House of Humble Humbleness” was complete. The following days were taken up with laid back past-time of peaceful gardening; planting seeds, reeds, cacti, a mighty tree, pretty MANLY flowers etc. To make the place even more relaxing (as if deadly cacti wasn’t enough) I created a beautiful beach, pouring over to the ocean below.

…I stood at the shore of my aerial beach, basking in the amber light seeping out from the lava-walls below. Staring out at the sun setting below me I felt… safe. I knew in that moment that I was no longer an 8-bit boy, but an 8-bit man. I was safe, protected by my impenetrable fortress walls- both molten and solid- with a wealthy array of fine weaponry at my disposal. I was unstoppable.

This was the end of my “First Minecraft Adventure”. My second adventure was calling to me from across the ocean.

The ship would sail at dawn.


  • http://www.twitter.com/ROWD Brandon Roudebush

    Great work as always! Any insight into this 2nd adventure?

  • http://www.ThatPodcastNetwork.com Ben

    So touching. I had tears in my eyes. Okay not really, but I love the story aspect you put on a great game! I tried to send a Twitter message to the creator to check it out, but I’m sure he’s busy!

  • http://twitter.com/0Spence0 Biznitch

    Cheers guys!
    (And cheers for trying to pass my work onto Notch- that’s awesome!)

    Not sure when or what I’m going to do for my 2nd adventure, might wait for the update.

  • http://www.generalcoverage.blogspot.com danandflaff

    I really enjoyed reading this “epic saga of epicness.” Looking forward to the second adventure. Maybe its time for a fortress made of critters and buckets? That would be something to see…

  • http://twitter.com/0Spence0 Biznitch

    Insider’s tip: An impromptu “mini-adventure” might be written up in the next few days…

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