(first part of this adventure can be read here)
The flaming ball of death was still hurtling through the air towards my beautiful square face. There seemed to be nothing I could do. My whole life flashed before my eyes in the form of some sort of shameless plug. Just then I had an epiphany, a moment of clarity which guided me towards how to escape the fiery death that awaited me. I could simply step out of the way of the fiery ball of phlegm, thus avoiding the danger!
Sadly, all of this happened in real-time, which meant the heated ball of pain had already collided with my face, sending me flying from the safety of the portal, deep into the chasms of the Nether. This can’t be good.
Stumbling to my feet (an event which was becoming all too frequent in my inept travels) I quickly attempted to take in my surroundings, trying desperately to figure out where I was. If I can find my way back to the portal, I can get home…
Right, I see some red rock. There was definitely red rock near the portal, I’m sure. And there’s lava over there, I could see lava when I first got here, so I must be close. Although, there’s also lava over there… And there’s a parade float looking guy there. Wasn’t there one of those by the portal?
The red rock floor beside me exploded in a fiery mess, narrowly avoiding my feet, giving me ‘Nam-style flash backs of 30 seconds ago.
In a fit of incredibly manly fear,
I fled charged away from the giant monster, attempting to avoid his explosive spit-wads. After a while of valiant fleeing, I’d escaped my new foe. The thought soon dawned on me, however, that perhaps running further away from the portal might not have been the best idea.
Perhaps these kind fellows could give me directions.
Before me stood a modest army of Pigmen. Scratch that- ZOMBIE Pigmen. Wielding swords and coated with decaying war-wounds, I didn’t know whether they were friend or foe. I stood still, bolted to the floor, hoping that if I stood motionless they wouldn’t see me. My ingenious plan was working wonderfully, but my rear sphincter clenched as I heard the blood curdling screeches of the colossal beasts still giving chase. It was time I was on my way.
In a burst of adrenalin fuelled speed, I stormed past the Pigmen, leaving them no time to react to my presence, clambering up a mountainside to freedom. Standing on top of the cliff I gazed around at the fiery mess surrounding me. Lava was spewing from every orifice of the blood-red rock, creating immense lakes of magma. The amber glow seemed to be the main source of light, illuminating every inch of this hellish place. Specks of yellow stone could be seen dangling from the ceiling, seemingly there to lure adventures to their death like fools gold. In the distance I could just make out a purple obelisk- the side of my portal. Home was in sight. But sadly, so was another horde of Zombie Pigmen.
Tip-toeing through the horde was a delicate task. You had to have nerves of steel, something an experienced adventurer like me has in abundance. The trick was to be aware of your surroundings, but not be too hasty to attack as-ARGH! HE’S LOOKING AT ME! HE’S GOING TO EAT MY FACE!
I swung my sword around in a flurry of ignorance, slashing the bewildered Zombie Pigman in front of me. This, for some reason, triggered the enemy to fight back, calling for the back up of his decomposing buddies. There was only one thing to do;
stand there and fight , run away like a girl show off my athletic prowess and sprint for the portal.
The portal was getting closer and closer, and with waves of disgruntled foes behind me, there was no turning back. I was nearly there. The glowing purple aura of the welcoming vortex was so close I could almost taste. I made one final leap, flying through the air towards my goal, gliding towards the purple haze before an exploding hair-ball collided with me.
Forgot about him…
As I respawned, I was back in my own world. Pigs danced around me, chickens frolicked in the sea, sheep ran around in flames after getting too close to my defences. I was home.
Was that all a dead? Did it really happen? Where’s my pick axe? AH DANG!
It was all real. The purple and black gateway still stood tall on my quaint cottage roof- an eyesore, scaring my once beautiful holiday home. But I wasn’t going to let a little fatality deter me from my goal- I was going to conquer the Nether.
This time I stocked up more carefully, knowing what I was to encounter on my journey. I stood in the glowing portal once again and watched the world twist and warp around me before being thrusted once again into the death-inducing world of the Nether. As soon as I materialise I got to work building. The screams of my nemesis could be heard close by, so I had to act fast, building a structure to protect me on my travels between realms.
I was finally safe. From here I set about building a tunnel, deep beneath the surface, further protecting me from enemies above. After many days of excavation I had finished my tunnels. Several passage ways branched off from my main tunnel, each leading to a new area, often poking out from a mountain side. One tunnel even lead to the glistening fools-gold of the world, providing me with lovely, but seemingly pointless, yellow stone powder. From here I decided to set up camp, building those much needed homely items to make my blood-red cave feel that little bit more homely.
Standing on my balcony, I could look out in safety, watching the Zombie Pigmen below blissfully plod along, only occasionally ducking back inside to escape another exploding death-ball. So what now?
I soon remembered a rumour I heard from God, stating that when you build a 2nd portal in the Nether, you teleport hundreds of miles away in the real world. Could this be true? There was only one way to find out.
Visiting the mother land once again, spending painful amounts of time mining obsidian, I prepared myself for the journey. Back in the Nether, I travelled down the farthest tunnel, building a new portal at then end. With my back-pack full of supplies and flint in hand, I sparked up the portal.
My new goal was to travel to this new land and find my way back on foot. Clutching my compass to my chest, I stepped into the portal, waving goodbye to the eerie world of Satan’s abode, hoping for cosy new surroundings.
My next adventure had just begun…